Casey: Faith

I should have taken more initiative in the fight with the undead creature, but I was extremely scared of that horrible thing! I couldn't bring myself to move forward and slash at the great hulking monster. I was lucky to get off any shots with my bow and those that I did get off missed the target terribly nearly hitting the guys instead. Not until Tilk fell did I realize that I had to move into the fray and beat at the beast the way I've trained. I have never seen anything so grotesque or scary in my life. I see that this war is only going to get worse. I cannot even imagine where they found such a beast. The question is why they would do that to a creature. I wonder if the creature was a natural creature before or if it was a curse from demons below. I don't see that we can possibly crush this evil if they can create creatures such as that.

Honestly, I'm not sure why we even stayed for that battle as it didn't do any good for us to be there. For one, the wizards kept themselves sheltered in their school, which doesn't make sense. The people of Saragost could have used their protection against those beasts. We could have used their help. I can't believe they truly expected us to fight back the Duergar by ourselves. Secondly, we didn't have the numbers or the expertise to fight such an army. I wonder how our scouts could've missed the fact that those monstrosities were amongst the Duergar.

After that useless battle I found myself in a trance on the way to the Elensil. Saying nothing to anyone else I went below deck to care for the horses. I removed their saddles and saddlebags; I brushed out the lather they had acquired on the rush to the ship. I spread out the fresh hay that the captain brought aboard and collected water from the tubs. After two hours of hard work and no thinking I finished the care of the horses. I then sat down on a bale of hay, broke down and cried. The pain of hearing those people scream and then watching them die while making our way to the Elensil was more than I could handle. Watching from afar while the city fell to ruin to those evil creatures was too much to bear. I screamed at the gods, "If you Gods are so strong and good why did you let all those people fall? Why did you let us fail? Why did you lead us in there only to sit back and watch us fail? Apparently you think we need more humbling! Being dragged from our homes and beaten down and killed isn't enough? Well, I think. . ."

I stopped my railing as I suddenly felt a sense of peace come over me. I could think of nothing more to say. As if it was being said to me I thought, "It is not my place to question the gods. It is my place to get home alive to my people in Kahoor. My people need me to keep fighting this insane war so that they will be as safe as all others in the world. My comrades in this war need me, as well."

After a few days of searching for answers and praying to the gods in general I answer Rygorh's plea that we need to discuss our next battle plans. I don't know what I can offer at this point but I feel better feeling that I may have someone to talk to even if I can't see or feel it. Perhaps this is the faith that Rygorh and Neil believe in so fervently. It does give a sense of calm to think you aren't the one in control of things and all things happen for a reason. I don't need to control all situations or be in charge of any battle. If I get a moment I will study the different gods and see which one would suit me best.

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